Monday, March 5, 2012

Abduction 2011

responsible parties
John Singleton (Boyz N Da Hood) 
Shawn Christensen (no credits)
Sigourney Weaver (Alien)
Taylor Lautner (The Twilight Saga)
Maria Bello (Coyote Ugly)

Abduction is definitely a poser if I ever seen one. Abduction struts around with a chip on its' shoulder as if it's as thrilling and swift as Bourne Identity. It's over the top and in your face pretending to be as fun as Mission Impossible. Sadly Abductions' young hero fails embarrassingly at trying to be as charming as Shia Lebeouf in his movies like Disturbia and Eagle Eye. In fact Abduction plays out like a movie that was written with Shia Lebeouf in mind for the lead role. But why would he want this when the script plays out like a montage of all the previously mentioned movies rolled into one and sprayed into submission with axe body spray. That's why he's not the star. Instead we get that Twilight hunk. * cue Teenage girls swoon* 
Nathan (Lautner)  introduces himself to us by riding on the hood of his friends pickup with one hand going 70 mph with his cool shades on. No helmet or hesitation. He doesn't fear death. He's an adrenaline junkie. He. Is. Bad. Ass. To give some background on Nathan he lives in a wonderful neighborhood, in a beautiful home, in sunny California. He has a token black friend that makes alot of jokes and a white friend that doesn't speak much but well.... is there for the sake of him having a friend  that is white like him. His parents are hip, young and attractive. Him and his father like to beat the shit out of each other for fun. His father utters BS like "you wanna play with no rules you better be aware of what you let out the box." That's not even catchy. Despite Nathans comfy lifestyle he sees a therapist for an undisclosed reason. He tells his therapist (old ass Sigourney Weaver) that sometimes he feels like he doesn't fit in.  Like he doesn't belong.  Nathans about to get one helluva awakening!
He's linked up with Karen for a random sociology project. To my knowledge Sociology is really a college course but I digress. Karen and Nathan have a history, they were childhood friends. Adolescence and different cliques drove a wedge between them but now their reunited. *cue teen romance*
While researching, he finds his baby picture on a missing child's website. This is never explained. But it is a plot device to prompt Nathan into asking his gorgeous mother if he was adopted and she  says he was. His "parents" aren't really his parents. Their his "keepers", chosen by his real father to watch over him. Abandonment anyone?
The same night his keepers are killed by some secret agents right in front of him. Therapy may be ideal now. Him and Karen are on the run from these men dressed in black when his therapist shows up. She's one of his keepers too. In a high speed, car chase get away she gives them the address of a "safe place" they jump out of the moving vehicle.
I was impressed to see Abduction had everything on a Secret-Agent-movies checklist
  • explosions
  • agents dressed in black
  • agents dressed in black running from room to room
  • "foreign" villains
  • CIA references
  • words like ''operative''
  • roundhouse kicks 
Weirdly enough no one in this movie has a droid or iPhone. Every single person with a cellular device had a flip phone. It's not a big deal but it's odd. The CIA were making it so anytime Nathan picked up a phone from ANYWHERE and he was connected to the CIA but they were using a phone that doesn't have Internet? This made the tiny detail of the movie uneven with the technology aspect of the film.
While on the run Nathan and Karen grow close. In a generously sized train suite they make out, full  on she even gets on his lap. It gets "steamy" until Karen suddenly stops and suggests they get lunch. After all this is a pg-13 movie. *Sorry tween girls*
I'm also sorry to report that Taylor still does not have much of an acting skill to speak of. His lines are uttered with out any conviction but always with a serious expression as if that makes him the tough rough neck he's supposed to be. I found myself laughing at a few of his facial expressions  as well. Sorry Taylor, but your acting ability has as much potential as road kill.
 I enjoyed the stupidity and arrogance of Abduction for the most part.  Sadly the last 30 minutes were almost unbearable. I finished it only for the sake of this blog. The movies resolution is stupid and anti climatic although it's at a packed baseball stadium. His elusive father returns the save his son and disappears just as quickly. Karen and Nathan are happy to be alive. His keeper/therapist volunteers be his new guardian. It's a sweet , cheesy ending. I would love to suggest to Taylor Lautner to further his eductation and pursue a different career. Perhaps modeling since he loves showing his tan skin and ripped abs. The Twilight Saga has only one more film left and I shudder to think what his career will turn into to once the Phenomanon is over. Hang it up Taylor, please hang it up *cue dial tone*

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