Sunday, January 29, 2012

Preachers Kid 2009

responsible parties
Stan foster(film debut)
Stan Foster(film debut)
Latoya Luckett (Destiny's Child)
Tank ( Now or Never (album)

Just when you thought it was safe to go to church again....To my horrified delight my boyfriend and I stumbled into this movie one night on BET. The preachers kids is Angie, played by Latoya Luckett.  Once a member of R&B group Destiny's Child, she left (or was fired) before they made it really big becoming the best selling female R&B group of all time. Talk about a missed opportunity. As a solo artist although she can sing she never did much in the industry.  This musical optimist plays opposite of Durell Babbs aka R&B singer and Grammy nominated Tank. Despite his nominations only hardcore rhythm and blues fan know him. The fact that one of the main actors is a has-been and other is a b-Lister isn't the reason why the movie sucks. Its sucks because the has-been and b-Lister can't act in this horribly written production. Please allow me to elaborate.
We meet Angie in Augusta, Georgia. She's a christian and a dedicated church member who loves performing in the choir. Not surprising since she's the daughter of the widower preacher she lives a very sheltered life.  In result, she is an 18yr old virgin who is shamelessly naive. Her whole life changes the night she meets Devlin(Tank).
He's handsome, older and charismatic. He even gets more points when Angie learns he works and performs in a traveling gospel play. (The play itself is a Madea play ripoff, complete with a man in a wig)
After spending the night with Devlin, he held her all night like a "perfect gentleman", he invites her to join the cast because he discovers she can sing. The next morning she's confronted by dad. After an argument follows Angie informs him that shes leaving right that minute to join up. She walks out with the clothes on her back. No luggage or anything.
On the road Angie finds that she can definitely get used to her freedom. She's made friends, falls for Devlin and enjoys her small roles in the play. Convinced that Devlin has a bonafide HALO over his head Angie has no problem losing her virginity to him. She's content and happy but things change faster than  you can say "amen"!
Devlin has a dark side to him. One seconds he's supporting and holding Angie and another he's telling her that her hair looks like shit, in front of her colleagues, although theirs nothing wrong with her perfectly well maintained mane. It's pretty laughable how hot and cold he is. Due to her inexperience and stupidity she remains inauspicious towards Devlin until one night when things take a turn for the worse, for Angie's relationship and the fate of this movie. One night she finds him smoking weed and disapproves.
"That stuffs for losers." she simply states. Devlin shockingly slaps the BA-JEESUS out of Angie and the words he spouts transform this movie from just a plain bad one into and unintentional comedy.
What the hell? How is that relevant? What does have to do with you smoking weed? Judging by his response I think the writer was smoking a lil' somethin himself when he came up with this crap. Flabbergasted Angie tries to exit then Devlin pulls the sympathy card, next thing you know its Angie comforting him. Devlin gives us another classic line saying he's never hit a woman before and he's just upset that his second CD didn't do so well. I'm not making this up. Him pretending to cry was as funny as it was pathetic. This guy is due a few acting classes and the writer/director needs to do some soul searching.
As the movie continues I realize I'm watching the straight to DVD, wanna be remake of  What's Love Got To Do With It, only this version isn't compelling, gripping or dramatic. It's just as pathetic as Angie is. She's beat constantly and blatantly cheated on . Everyone in their cast is well aware of their circumstances but no one is  willing to help her for fear that they will step on Devlin's toes. No good Samaritan in this group everyone chooses to "turn the other cheek".
This movie is starting to feel like  a rip off of  a Tyler Perry film. YIKES!
It's hard to feel empathy for this girl because she refuses to leave him.  Its  also really hard for me to believe that this is the first person to seduce her because she fell for him so shamelessly. She possesses ignorance that you don't just wake up with.
The subject matter is a serious one. Domestic violence is no joke. But this movie brings nothing new or compelling . Instead of exposing the topic its exploits it for gain and doesn't do a good job in hiding it. The issue at hand is gone by so inappropriately that one might get the feeling that its making fun of it even because it's so damn cliche. Here's an example from Angie
"It's not his fault."
"What can I say, you never forget your first."
Again, poor writing.
At one of her low points the preachers kid finally decides to call the preacher. Although on his own answer machine the tagline is "What Would Jesus Do?" he doesn't pick up when he hears his daughter crying on it. Blasphemy! Hypocrite anyone?
Their is one thing that I did enjoy about the movie, the play Angie performed in. Yes it plays like a wannabe Madea knockoff but the music number are shockingly decent. We see Angie do the one thing she can do and she does it well. Too bad these moments are brief. Too bad the play is better than the movie its featured in.
Eventually Devlin gets his just desserts. He finally gets himself fired from the play and his career is in the toilet.  Angie also finds out that shes pregnant. I found this to be a shocking twist  and was pleased their was actually some real drama but everything isn't as it seem. After a final betrayal Angie tells Devlin and breaks up with him. She has something to smile about though because she finally landed the lead in the play.
While performing the heartfelt and coincidental song "daddy can I come home" she realizes she misses her daddy and wants to go home. After given a well deserved standing ovation she walks off stage and onto to the street to hail a cab and go home. She loves dramatic spur of the moment exits.
The audience is treated to seeing Devlin one more time. He approaches her just as she hails her taxi and tells her he's sorry for hurting her. Then he delivers another delicious line. In the most pathetic voice ever he whimpers "Angie can we record a demo together? My cousin gets his hair done by Babyfaces Aunt."
She tells him goodbye and goes home. Her buss drops her off right across the street from her fathers church on the exact date and time that her father is being honored, outside of the church, and is standing along with the rest of the church. The Preacher runs to his kid hugs, and kisses her and I'm supposed to forget that he ignored her phone calls. OK!!!
Angie gets her happy ending. She's not pregnant because she read the test wrong. She sure is stupid.  She cut her hair signifying that she is new woman and her choirs gospel CD is number one on the charts. Talk about a righteous ending!
I'm running out of cliche's so I will end this review with a prayer. Please bow your heads;
Dear Movie God, please stop the madness and wickedness of all responsible for this abomination. I ask that you have mercy on all that may have enjoyed this movie for they don't know any better and last but not least please make sure that one time writer/director REMAINS a one time writer/director.  In the name of good movies we pray.


1 comment:

  1. I went platinum before you even knew what a grammy was!!!! lol